In the past few years I have spent a lot of time unlearning, growing into the person I am today.
There are life events that have a way of forcing change, the perspective they provide seems to continually keep opening your eyes, widening your mind and changing your heart.
I have to admit, I was never good at change when I was younger. I moved house and school as a child and I gave my parents hell. Not coping with the changes and feeling out of control. As my life became my own I kept things safe, with minimal change. I married my first love and only moved one suburb away from my family home, but now I welcome change like an old friend.
Two years ago my son was attacked by a dog, my life was instantly put on hold. My values evaluated in a similar measure as bringing a child into the world – dramatically.
What seemed so important one day was not even on my radar the next.
After being told my son may never smile again, need plastic surgery on his face and would spend two weeks in hospital fighting an infection from surgery/hospital, coming home felt amazing. However it was heart breaking at the same time. Our lives would never be the same. We had changed. My son, my husband, our other son and myself. As well as many other relationships in our lives. Our world looked and felt different.
I don’t know why but something pulled me to take out my camera, even though I had been told only days earlier that my son may never smile again, the damage was so deep that they had no idea how the nerves would be affected. I still had this unexplainable urge.
A smile is something as parents we chase from our children we light up at their happiness, it gives us joy, we ask for it even more so when the camera comes out. Not knowing what would come next or how he would heal both physically and mentally I felt a need to document this moment. I had no intention for the images at the time but to have a personal record of this moment, this defining time in our lives.
When I pulled the camera up to my eye and started capture, my eyes opened, I mean really saw my son. I thought I was documenting a moment and I was but more than that I was being in that moment, I was seeing his light shine in. I was accepting our fate. In front of me, and captured in my camera I found so much more than a smile. His face was still too swollen and full of stitches for him to make much physical expression but the vibrance shone through his eyes, his strength and joy.
It made me realise you don’t need your mouth to move to smile. A smile is so much more than that. It is a feeling, emotion and it lights up your eyes, it sends a fluttery feeling into your tummy and warmth into your heart.
Even though my son had over 100 stitches in his face, and could not lift his mouth, even though he could barely open his eye from swelling he could still find and show joy. He lit up my heart like it had never been before and with my camera in hand I began to heal.
I found acceptance and forgiveness. He showed me his strength and the power of being in the moment and finding joy in any circumstance.
I still fill with tears when I see the images. Photographs full of truth, a rawness and honesty.
You cannot avoid the physical pain he was suffering but you also cannot deny his spirit. There will always be heart break for the trauma we suffered and the scars he carries upon his face but there has been so much growth and change that has followed.
It showed me how important family is, how documenting REAL moments is intimately beautiful and endlessly powerful.
I fell in love with photography many years ago because it captures something real and true. It showed me to look deeper, that we don’t need to seek perfection, there is so much more than meets eye and that what is important isn’t perfect, it’s presence, real connection and finding joy.
